Too big of a task? Take baby steps

Posted on August 19, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

“How am I going to get this done?” is often a question posed by many wanting to achieve an outcome, solve a problem, take their business to the new level or just get on with their week.

In many cases, the road to achieving an end-result appears to be so long, that reaching the end of it and working towards achieving getting there seems like a mammoth task.  What most fail to see, is that a logical approach may just make things appear not as hard as they seem.  In the words of Walt Disney, “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”

Therefore, instead of worrying, holding your head with both hands and stressing about getting something done, try the following:

1. Identify your goal, which you are aspiring to achieve.

2. Make a start.  Getting started is always the hardest. As Lao Tsu stated, “a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step”.

3. Divide your project into ‘byte size” tasks and steps.  No average person can eat a whole sandwich or a piece of steak at once. It is always easier to cut your food into pieces before eating it.  You should use the same approach in other aspects of your life.  Break things down into smaller, more doable tasks or easily achievable steps.  A great author, Mark Twain, commented that  “the secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then starting on the first one”.

4. Take baby steps.  Move slowly but surely towards your goal and you will get there.  Do not over-comit and over-promise along the way.

5. Find people around you or within your organisation who can continue the journey with you, give them responsibility for some of the steps or tasks and make them accountable for it.  You would be amazed at how many people will come to your rescue, if required.

6. Celebrate reaching each little milestone and moving from one phase of your project to another.

7. Thank those who stuck with you when you finally get to the end destination.

Lastly, remember that it is all about having the right mindset.  “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” – Thomas Jefferson

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Second chances

Posted on August 10, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

Going through life it is not often that you think about couples splitting up until it happens to you.  Only when you are the one experiencing it, it turns out that many around you are in the same boat and you had no idea!  It is similar to when you buy a red car and start seeing an influx of red cars on the roads, or when you fall pregnant and all over sudden everywhere you go, there are pregnant women surrounding you.

Our generation is the generation of second chances.  More and more, women and men in their 30s and 40s are finding themselves having to rebuild their lives all over again.  It is like surviving a derailed train crash in the middle of nowhere and then, with all your bags in hands, trying to find a way back home, which, when you finally arrive, is no longer there.  Lost, confused and angry, you try to find a new happy place somewhere else.  You have the urge to justify your existence and to rebuild your life.  However, moving on is a long and burdensome road. It entails a lot of heart ache, tears, negative thoughts and finding that coping mechanism in yourself, which dulls down the pain.  Rob Estes said that “if you are going through hell, keep going”.

In your search for a better place, many questions race through your head, the main one being “what went wrong?”  Unfortunately, there is no easy answer.  There is no universal explanation for why people, who at some point in their lives wanted to spend every minute together, no longer wish to even look each other’s way.  There is never one reason.  If, in the past, the main and almost always only reason for a split was due to unfaithfulness of one party, these day it is much more cynical.  More often than not couples just grow apart. It is like two cars racing side by side along the road until they get to a T-intersection, where one turns right and the other one turns left.  People change and that is just a fact of life.  Such change often shifts priorities, general outlook on life and what is important in the present, often meaning that what used to be acceptable becomes an issue.  As they say, it takes two to tango and sometimes the music just stops.

How do you deal with such loss and confusion? How do you rebuild your life from the pieces of broken glass that your life has become?  The most logical way is to take it one day at a time.  Occupy your mind and become busy. Surround yourself with a good support network of family and friends.  Work through the negative emotions towards your ex-partner, yourself and your life.  Make arrangements so that you can move on both emotionally and financially.  Then, commence the rehabilitation process of finding yourself again and giving yourself a second chance to be happy.  Like a survivor walking away from a train rack, learn to feel and trust again.  Learn how to allow someone else into your life and into your heart. Do not over-think, just let life take its course and make your best attempt at enjoying the journey.  Break up of a long-term relationship or a marriage is one of the biggest shake ups in life you will get.  However, everything happens for a reason.  You were meant to do what you have done in the past and it will bring you to your future, your destiny.

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference” – Virginia Satir.  Thus, go and make another attempt at “happily ever after” as, due to the lessons you have learnt from your first attempt and the change that occurred within you, second time may actually be what you have been searching all your life.  Allow yourself to take another chance!

“It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems.” Nicholas Sparks.

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5 Stages of Grief

Posted on August 6, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

“The only cure for grief is action.” – C.H. Lewes

Most people have encountered grief at some point in their lives.  Whether it is grieving a death of someone close, grieving a loss of a friend or a loved one or helping someone else to go through this process, it is definitely never easy.

Grief, as a concept, has 5 stages and, until all 5 stages have been processed by the mind, the individual in question is unable to move on.

1. Denial

Denial is an automatic response of our brain to any loss.  This is when you cannot accept that someone is gone or something is no longer part of your life.  The denial stage can last a long time, as the affected person cannot grasp the reality of the situation. Turning to friends and family for support is imperative in this stage as they may slowly guide you to the next stage.

2. Anger

With time, pain is overtaken by anger, as reality finally sinks in!  Yes, someone has left your side.  A relative died. A loved one walked away from a relationship.  A friend vanished from your life.  It did happen!

Anger leads to many questions being raised but at the same time being left unanswered.  Why did the loved one have to leave you?  What changed? Why some of us die young? Why we still have no cure for some diseases?

In a death scenario, rationally we know that the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. In a break up of a relationship, the resentment and the blame are multiplied as we carry those feelings as a reaction to what has transpired.  Be angry.  Go to a secluded place and scream your heart out.  Cry and stomp your feet.  Let your anger get out without causing any physical pain.

3. Bargaining

“If only I tried harder…” we often hear ourselves say.  Do not try to make deals with G-d or shift the blame one way or the other.  You did what you felt was required and it was right then.  Do not question it now.

Things happen in life for a reason.  People leave us and we meet new ones, babies are born and elders eventually die.  There are some that die young, but just because we do not understand the reason for something, it does not change the outcome.

Stop the bargaining and the eating of yourself and the self-doubt.  It is not helpful. Quite the opposite, it is self-destructive.   

4. Depression

There are two types of depression, which are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret prevail. We worry about the future, the costs, the burial, and the practical issues with moving on.  The second type of depression is more subtle and private, where we prepare to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

In the depressed stage, getting out of bed is a hard struggle.  Nothing seems to matter.  No words can improve the way we feel.  This is the most dangerous of stages as depression can completely overtake a person’s existence, if not managed correctly.  For some, having a good support group of family and friends around them is enough. For others, medication may be required.  The most important thing to remember whilst dealing with depressed due to grief, regardless of the type of loss experienced, speak to others about your feelings, let your feelings and thoughts out.  Make yourself cry.  Make yourself talk.  Be empowered by those around you to move to the next stage and accept the loss.

5. Acceptance

Finally, there comes a point when you have no choice but to accept the truth.  The truth that you cannot always have what you want, that things may not work out the way you planned and that some people were not meant to be with you for the long haul.  And at last, you can now detach yourself from the past and start to move on and rebuild your life.

Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal experience. Rarely someone can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you are going through. The best thing you can do is find someone who has experienced what you have been through.  Rely on them.  Listen to them. Learn from them.  Allow others to be there for you and help comfort you through this process. Allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Do not resist, as resisting it only will prolong the healing process.

Two internationally acclaimed authors have discussed the process of moving on from the past to the future in their works. Dan Brown said that “sooner or later we’ll all have to let go of our past.” Nice and simple – learn to let go!  In addition, Jodi Picoult stated numerous times that “you can’t look back – you just have to put the past behind you, and find something better in your future”.

Deal with your grief in your own time, but remember that although the past and the people you have lost contributed to the person you are today, you do not live in the past anymore.  You live in today and building tomorrow – embrace it.

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” – Steve Maraboli

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80/20 Rule – Do you follow?

Posted on August 2, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

“Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important” – Stephen Covey, the author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.

More than a century ago, in 1906, a now well-known Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto created a mathematical formula describing the unequal distribution of wealth in Italy. Pareto observed that twenty per cent of the people owned eighty per cent of the wealth in his country.

In the late 1940s, Dr. Joseph M. Juran attributed, albeit inaccurately, the 80/20 Rule to Pareto, calling it Pareto’s Principle. While it may be misnamed, Pareto’s Principle can be a very effective tool to help businesses manage themselves effectively.

In business, the value of the Pareto Principle means to focus on the 20 per cent of clients that which bring in 80 per cent of revenue.  Therefore, out of all the things done during the day, only 20 per cent really matter. Those 20 per cent produce 80 per cent of your results and your revenue. 

Despite the popularity of the rule, few people seem to understand it. The main misconceptions are as follows.

1) 80 + 20 = 100

Often a pie chart is drawn, where a large portion is labelled 20% and the rest is labelled 80%. While most of us can use our basic math skills to add it up to 100%, this type of calculation undermines what the rule is about.

The 80/20 rule argues that 20% of the input creates 80% of the output. Inputs and outputs aren’t the same thing, and therefore can’t be made into the same pie chart. Thus, do not get caught up on the numbers, but understand the conceptual value of this theory.

2) Literal Application

It is often argued that if you keep applying the 80/20 rule, eliminating the wasteful 80%, eventually you will end up with nothing. This is once again a literal mathematical interpretation of the rule.

The concept is not about the numbers.  It is about utilising your time efficiently and effectively, as you cannot perform every task possible. The 80/20 rule suggests you prioritise those tasks which create the most results and focus on them first. Whatever time you have left after, can be spent on the less productive 80%.

3) All tasks still need to be done

Most people would argue that although some tasks are less valuable than others, the other tasks will still need to be done.  Whilst a valid argument, it conceals the truth of you having no control in adjusting where the time gets spent. You can reduce time expended on non-important emails or reduce your time contribution to meetings which do not create the results. Prioritising becomes the key!

Some suggested uses of 80/20 Rule

  1. Look at your business (and your life in general) and find where there is the imbalance of input and outcome.
  2. Identify the areas / people / clients / connections which create the most results. It may not necessarily equate to 20 per cent.
  3. Prioritise the ones achieving results and allow them more.  These areas / people / clients / connections should be placed first on your daily list of things to do.
  4. Find how to deal with the rest of your workload / people / connections that do not achieve the same outcome.
  5. Re-assess your priority list on a constant basis – weekly / monthly / quarterly.

The 80/20 Rule should serve as a daily reminder to focus 80 per cent of your time and energy on the 20 per cent of you work that is really important. As Stephen Covey said: “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically, to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside. The enemy of the “best” is often the “good”.”

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Perfectly Human

Posted on July 29, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

Perfectly Human.

Very powerful poem!

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Don’t be a coward – lend a helping hand!

Posted on July 26, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

“The happiest people I have known have been those who gave themselves no concern about their own souls, but did their uttermost to mitigate the miseries of others.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton

It is not a secret that we live in a culture that encourages egotism.  Whilst engaging in self-help, self-promotion and assessing our self-worth, we often forget how many people out there are much less fortunate than us.  We then carry on complaining about things in our lives that are not working out as we planned.  In that process of self-pity, we forget to extend a hand to people surrounding us on daily basis, and discard the fact that even the smallest gesture of kindness could mean the world to an individual.

Giving a hand to someone includes a realm of possible actions, some on a grand scheme of things and some on the smaller scale, including:

1. Asking someone how they are and actually caring enough to listen to the response

2. Giving spare coins to a charity or donating clothes or items which are no longer required

3. Reading to the elderly or spending time in the retirement village

4. Visiting a hospital ward with some treats for sick kids

5. Volunteering for a cause you believe in

6. Mowing your neighbours’ lawn

7. Making dinner for a family in need or grieving

8. Offering to babysit your friend’s children to give the parents a break and a chance to spend time with each other kids-free

9. Helping someone pack or move house

10. Buying flowers or chocolates for a work colleague that’s going though a hard time or to acknowledge their hard work

11. Stopping to help if you see someone fall or have a flat tyre

12. Motivating someone to start exercising or taking on a project or starting a new chapter in their lives

13. Sending a nice email or calling and saying ‘hello’ to people you have not being in contact with for a while

14. Just simply making people around you smile

William Shakespeare made a point in saying: “How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

There are hundreds more ways of making someone smile and not think about their problems for at least a short period.  If you manage to do that, it means that you have enriched and prolonged a life of another human being.  We often forget to be kind to others but expect kindness in return. 

Change that mindset today! Stop being a coward and start noticing what is happening around you! One thing for sure, by helping others in any way you can, you may actually get back the positive energy that will allow you to do greater and more rewarding things in the future.  From now on, please remember to lend a helping hand.

 

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Quality time – friends and technology can co-exist

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

As I was sitting next to my very close friend at my dinner table, sipping on wine, having a great conversation and, at the same time, sending new updates on Twitter and posting on Facebook, whilst she was busy exploring my iPad, I thought of how we have evolved with technology.

My friend and I were both quiet happy discussing our life issues over wine and social media! Laptop and iPad at hand, together with two iPhones, were working in overdrive. Wow! Five years ago this would be unheard of.  I do have to take a moment and explain  that both my friend and I love our various types of technology and are big users of social media.  If, at the same time, we can add good conversation and consumption of quality wine to it – the evening could not get any better!

There are not many friends that you can have such a technologically advanced relationship with.  I most definitely value and cherish it.  In a couple of hours I managed to spend time with my dear friend, get her advice and insight on my life, pass some of my own ‘words of wisdom’, eat dinner, enjoy wine and increase my social media presence.  My Klout score better increase tomorrow!

I am grateful to have people in my life who ‘get me’ on various levels.  Some I can talk to about anything, some I can share my passion of technology with.  And some can combine both.

This is my way of saying thanks to all my friends and those very close to me for being there and understanding who I am and what I am about.  I make it my mission now to acknowledge each and every one of you.  Hopefully, 20 years from now, the simple pleasures of life can still be enjoyed to the max.

So I choose to be happy even when it’s almost impossible to smile! I choose friends who care! I choose those who want to be part of my life! And I thank you all from the bottom of my heart! Cheers!

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Amazing people – cherish them

Posted on July 22, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

People come into our lives for two reasons: to teach us lessons and to enrich us with their wisdom and personality.

Obviously, there are more of those who teach us lessons: painful, eye-opening, life-changing lessons.  If we learn from it and adjust ourselves accordingly, we evolve. We become stronger and smarter, we learn to live in today and to have no regrets.

However, you may just be so lucky to encounter an amazing human being who, even if they only stay in your life for a brief moment, will leave an unforgettable footprint.  They are rare, almost non existent.  They breathe life back into you, reinvigorate you and put things in perspective. As as result of your interactions, you are energized and inspired, more determined to achieve great things, your best qualities resurface and are suddenly amplified.  You feel sane again and remember how to smile. If you have been blessed to come across such a person, be sure to let them know just how awesome they are.  Cherish good people, they are the only ones worth your while!  And you never know – they may like your ‘improved’ persona enough to stick around.

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Say no to bullying!

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

Bullying – no way!!!

More than a century ago Harvey S. Firestone stated the following: “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”

Most people think that bullying is cornering someone in a corridor of a school and taking away their lunch or pocket money.  Gone are the days when this was the only type of bullying. 

Wikipedia defines ‘bullying’ as a form of aggressive behaviour manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power.

Every one of us has experienced bullying at some point of our life.  It may have been someone harassing or hitting you, or possibly someone making fun of your religion, gender or ethnicity, or even people spreading rumours about you behind your back.  All these actions constitute bullying and should be nipped in the bud.

Bullying can occur in any context in which we interact with each other. There are 5 main types of bullying behaviour, all of which include a certain degree of intimidation.

1.  Physical bullying, when someone assaults, hits, kicks, punches or otherwise physically attacks another. Taking someone’s lunch away, breaking someone’s possession or slashing another person’s tyres constitutes physical bullying.

2. Verbal bullying, which includes making fun of someone’s race, look, hair colour, personal preference, physical ability or background.  

3. Social alienation, when a person is excluded from a particular social group on purpose.

4. Indirect bullying, which includes spreading rumours or telling others something that was shared with you in private.

5. Cyber bullying, where threatening messages or emails are sent to another via various electronic devices and cell phones or creating derogatory posts in social media.

If you are bullied, find the courage to stand up for yourself.  Make notes of the behaviour, seek help, consult others!  On the other hand, if you see someone else being bullied by any means – help them in any way you can.  Eradicate bullying and we will be a much happier society!

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You can do it!

Posted on July 16, 2012 by Jane Garber-Rosenzweig

So many times in our lives we have to answer questions, which mostly require one of the two answers – ‘yes’ or ‘no’.  Simple, you would think.  Not so. Pythagoras commented many centuries ago that “the oldest, shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought.”

The problem with human race is that our default position is to say ‘no’. It is the safer option that often does not require taking risks and adding something else to an already busy existence. We are afraid of the responsibility and of the changes which may turn our lives upside down.  We say ‘no’ as we are convinced that we cannot do whatever is asked of us. However, by always saying ‘no’, we miss a lot of amazing opportunities and shut out a lot of wellness, as well as inspiring people and deeds from our lives. Saying ‘no’ often means that we think we cannot do what is laid before our eyes.

This is not to say that there is no place for a ‘no’ answer, especially when it comes to business. We do need to reject even good things to get to the best things, and this is applicable in business and personal lives.

As for growing and maturing as a person, invigorate yourself. Make a new resolution to master the art of saying ‘yes’ and embrace the new motto of “I can do it!”.  We would have a much happier and more productive nation this way. 

Live a little.  Do not be afraid.  Start small. Initially, say yes to tiny and insignificant things that arise in your life.  Talk to a stranger, call an old friend, try one new thing daily, ask questions you have been afraid to ask and seek out people to do something that will make a difference to your life.  What is the worst that will happen? They will turn away or say ‘no’, being the default response for most of us.  However, they may surprise you and actually say ‘yes’, in turn possibly transforming your life in some of its aspects.

Remember next time you are answering any question, especially the one about your personal abilities, to think of the famous children’s character Bob the Builder, who, when asked “can we fix it?” always has the same answer – “yes we can!”

An amazing and very creative human being, Walt Disney, lived by the saying “if you can dream it, you can do it”. So, stop dwelling on what could have been because you rejected it and said ‘no’.  ‘Yes’ and ‘I can do it’ should become your favourite statements. Transform your thinking and you will start reaping the rewards and enjoying aspects of life which you did not know existed.

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